Wednesday Writer’s Corner
Disclaimer:
I’m a little bitchy today, so I’m standing on my soapbox with a noose around my neck.
Here are my favorite questions from self-published authors on an ebook forum:
How do I get reviews? Why isn’t my book selling? How do I get paid? What should I charge for my book? How can I get a bad review removed? How long will it take to get an agent to notice me?
Are you kidding?
I’ll just be blunt. You have not done your homework. You should stop writing immediately, sell your computer, and take up needlepoint. How many books have you bought on self-publishing? Have you had anyone proofread your blurb? How many articles have you read on marketing? Formatting? Cover Design? Let me guess. Zero.
All right…I’ll give you the short soapbox answers:
How do I get reviews? Sell books.
Why isn’t my book selling? You have no reviews.
How do I get paid? Get a real job.
What should I charge for my book? Doesn’t matter, no one’s buying it anyway.
How can I get a bad review removed? I thought you wanted reviews.
How long will it take to get an agent to notice me? Forever. Like I said, get a real job.
Lori Crane 
Love the answers!
Denise,
You only love them because they’re true! LOL
I couldn’t agree more! And my personal favorite: “I just found out my book has lots of errors and a really bad cover. How do I go about unpublishing it? And how long will it take to re-release it?” Arrrgh. But, you know, the sadder thing is that when an experienced, knowledgeable author tries to help by providing valuable, quality advice, fifty (considerably less-experienced) chime in and say the advice was terrible–or give very poor, often contradictory advice. And naturally, the person who asked the question will heed the voice of inexperience, simply because the score is 50 to 1. That’s why I no longer give book and writing advice.
Seriously, Pat, it’s a waste of time trying to help. I have friends/family who want help, but they won’t listen. Strangers are even worse. My favorite was the agent question. I actually saw that today and cracked up. The saddest part is the unedited/bad cover crap they put out makes the whole self-published world look bad.
Yup, the old “one rotten apple” curse. Everyone has a story to tell, but some people take writing more seriously than others.
Love this. Another annoyance to me are the folks who say, “I think I’ll write a book, too.” This one came from an accountant who thought it would be something to do during retirement. More power to her, but I resent the notion that anyone can just sit down, write a book, and then become a millionaire. As you said so eloquently, “Get a real job.” And I might add, “And quit discounting my chosen profession.
There are too many annoyances to name them all. 🙂