Best April Fool’s Prank EVER!

Today, I was searching for an April Fool’s prank to play on my trophy hubby and was reminded of one I pulled a few years ago.

My daughter was fresh out of college and in the midst of looking for a teaching job. She sent out a gazillion resumes and went on a bazillion interviews. She was substitute teaching at different schools on a daily basis, and her phone was ringing off the hook.

We still had a home phone at the time, and though she used her cell phone for nearly all business activity, the occasional caller would ring the home phone.

So, on April 1st, I wrote a phone message and left it on the kitchen island for her.

It read:

“Mr. Lyon called about a job. He wants you to call him back. (248) 541-5717.”

She was all excited, anticipating a new position. I could hardly keep from laughing in her face.

 

If you dial that number, you will hear the other person say, “Hello. Detroit Zoo.”

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“May I please speak with Mr. Lyon?”

You will hear the person on the other end say, “Excuse me?”

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hahahahahahaha – I’m still laughing.

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Gotcha!!

“Very Inspiring Blogger Award” (cue applause track)

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How awesome to be nominated for the “Very Inspiring Blogger Award!”

 

Thank you to my nominator and fellow author Anna Belfrage. Visit her page for the most amazing insights and prose.

The rules for this award are as follows:

1. Display the logo on your blog.

2. Link back to the person who nominated you.

3. State 7 things about yourself.

4. Nominate 15 other bloggers for the award.

5. Notify your nominees.

Well, then, let’s get busy.

Seven things about moi…

1. I have a host of animals and always room for one more. Just don’t mention any of this to my trophy hubby. He starts trembling and mumbling incoherently. My current menagerie all have “people names,” except for Meatball. Meatball is a brown and white female guinea pig, so-named because of the way she curls up like a little meatball. Also, I’m not the one who named her. She appeared on Christmas morning as a gift/friend for my other piggy, Cee Cee.

2. I want goats. Not just any goats. I want one of those goats that bleats like a person yelling. I’ll call him Billy. I also want one of those goats that faints when you sneak up on him. I’ll call him Wilson. Every time Billy yells, Wilson will drop. You just have to enjoy the little moments.

3. There are not enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do. I write. I sing. I cook. I love games and friends and critters.

4. I want to buy ten acres and plant a HUGE veggie garden, so I can stop going to the grocery store.

5. I have panic attacks when I enter grocery stores. Too much visual stimulation, I guess. My stomach gets queasy just thinking about it.

6. I am a professional musician by night, but I hate noise. I am most happy walking in the woods or playing in the creek with the pups.

7. I am aging well, which has nothing to do with my physical features. Turning thirty was traumatic. I totally ignored forty. Fifty is not bothering me a bit. I am getting more comfortable in my own skin as I age. That’s good, right?

My Nominees (in no particular order)

1. Ashley Jillian has one of the sharpest wits on the web today.

2. Wendy’s “Our Lineage”  – bringing genealogical to life. I can’t get enough!

3. Donna’s “Always Backroads” – filled with magical moments…and photographs.

4. Will’s “What If It All Means Something”  – the adventures of an up-and-coming writer.

5. Deborah the “Genealogy Lady” has an amazing cast of characters on her WWII blog.

6. K. J. Wolf  – blogs without any sort of filter which translates into laugh-out-loud hilarity.

7. The Worlds Top 10 of Anything and Everything is just plain amusing.

8. Author Pat Fitzhugh’s blog is filled with ghost stories and southern charm.

9. Author Sandi Layne writes of history, books, history, books, and more history and book.

10. Playful Meanderings is a pleasure to read!

11. I love the Belle Grove Plantation and will visit someday.

12. Elena Levon – beautiful, simple, deep.

13. Egle Pruckute – bits and pieces.

14. Amazing photos at Kalabalu’s site.

15. Author Dianne Gray from Australia.

Long Time, No See

Wow! It’s been a long, long time since I’ve been here. I miss this place. I wish I could come here and write every day, but I seem to have had a writer’s block…or a crappy Winter…or a little bit of both.

Life has been busy. I quit my day job (YIPPEE) and went back to playing full time. What a blast! Making lots of money and having a great time doing it. I’m also helping my hubby build a new web site. The admin aspect is right up my alley, and I’m really excited about it.

The boy is away at school. The girl got her own apartment and moved out. Guess it’s just hubby and the dogs. We only have two now. We had to put our Golden down in October. That sucked. I still miss him deeply.

I’ll come up with some interesting stories to write about soon, because I know this entry is a big-time snoozer.

So, RIP Sunny – We love you.

09/22/97 – 10/23/09

Hot Hot Hot – reminds me of a song

Dang! It’s just too hot.

For the last few days, it’s been in the 90s with high humidity. It feels more like Southern Mississippi than Southern Michigan. I think I’m wilting. I don’t need to worry about losing weight, I’m just going to melt away.

Ignoring the heat, I went power-walking at the park this morning. I saw 4 baby swans. What do you call those? Cignets or something?

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Anyway….It’s just too hot. I need a fan boy or something.

Gimpy Patootie

Patootie had pre-op blood work done on Friday. He’s getting his little you-know-whats cut off tomorrow, and the vet wanted to check all his stuff before the surgery. I’m sorry for sounding like a blonde here, but I don’t know what “stuff” is, so we’ll just leave it at that. All I know is the receptionist told me it was $44 for pre-op blood work, and I walked out of there $115 lighter. WTH? Turns out we needed heartworm pills, heartworm test and stool sample. I didn’t know to bring a baggie of poop in. I’m not sure how they got a sample, and I don’t want to know.

Anyway, he came home with a little bandaid on his leg. Poor little guy. He’s hamming it up beyond belief. A few hours after coming home, he started limping. Maybe they had to poke around a bit to find the vein in his leg. He’s so fuzzy, I’m surprised they found one at all. His little leg must be bothering him now, because he’s been gimpy for 2 days.

Poor little gimpy!

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I’ll take a picture tomorrow when he gets his “cone of shame”. That’s always good for a laugh.

Emergency Vet

A conversation with a friend who had a sick dog and needed an emergency vet got me thinking about the emergency vet phone number that SHOULD be posted on MY fridge. I have three, count them, three dogs. Do you think I have the emergency vet number posted on my fridge? Of course not. That would be too logical. And, I know the emergency vet exists. I’ve called them. I’ve used their services.

It was a wintry, cold Sunday morning in December. We had a BIG cat named Hooter Bear. I’m talking big. Raccoon size. 26 pounds, if I remember correctly. He was born during Hurricane Hugo, so was named Hugo, which turned into Huey, which eventually became Hooter Bear. It doesn’t matter what you call them, they don’t come anyway.

It all started during our quiet Sunday morning. In the middle of making coffee, Hooter Bear started screaming from the other room. He suddenly ran into the corner of the living room and was screaming and screaming. I don’t understand cat-speak, so I had no idea what was wrong. The hair on his back stood straight up, and he screamed and screamed.

The rest of the scene went something like this…

Me: What the hell is going on with the cat?

Hubby: I don’t know.

Me: Well, what’s wrong with him?

Hubby: I don’t know

Me: Did you do something to him?

Hubby: no

Me: What should we do?

Hubby: I don’t know

And so it goes. I guess we now know why I always feel the need to take charge of everything.

So, I searched for the phone number and called the emergency vet. I took him in and dropped him off so they could figure out why he was screaming. After a few hours, they called and told me to come back in. Hooter Bear’s tests were back. When I arrived, they showed me an X-ray of the cat. I would scan it so you could see it, but it’s too big. You won’t believe it if you don’t see it for yourself.

Let’s leave poor kitty right here and go back in time a few weeks, shall we?

Remember from the beginning of this post that I mentioned this was a Sunday morning in December? Yep, December. Holiday time. Time for families, baking, friends, presents, shopping, going into debt, credit card bills, etc. I decided this particular Christmas season, with two small children, that I did not want to spend gobs of money on distant relatives. I wanted to spend what I had on my kids and to stay out of debt. So my ingenious idea was to not BUY Christmas gifts, but to MAKE them instead. I guess I had delusions of Martha Stewart or something. I was young. Whatever. So, I trotted off Martha-style to the nearest craft store and purchased kits for a dozen or so holiday wall hangings and Christmas stockings. They were only $4.99 a piece! The great thing about them would be the love I put into them. Hahahaha.

I set up a card table in my living room, turned on the radio, got myself a glass of iced tea, and went to work. I worked at that card table nightly for quite a few weeks. Sequins, thread, felt, needles, sewing my little holiday tush off. These would be the best (and cheapest) gifts EVER. I was so proud of myself.

Don’t you think that was the best idea I ever had? The whole family would have beautiful, hand-made Christmas gifts for the low, low price of $59.89 plus tax. Heck yeah, I’m a genius!!

Let’s return to the emergency vet and poor kitty and see what that awful X-ray showed.

“A what? With what still attached?”

Yes, I can see the eye of the needle right there, plain as day, with the thread attached, but I still don’t believe it.

Hooted Bear apparently found a piece of thread and started playing with it. Apparently, said piece of thread had pointy, sharp needle attached to the other end. Apparently, stupid cat swallowed the whole thing, needle and all. It went all the way through his system and was being deposited into the litter box early that Sunday morning. Then, catastrophe, it turned at the last minute and punctured his bladder. Hence the screaming.

Here’s my choice:

A) $30 to put him down or B) $590 for surgery and he’ll be fine.

I loved that dang cat. I opted for the surgery. He turned out fine and had many more happy years in him.

This experience left me with one, and only one, thought…

I could have bought some really nice Christmas presents for $590.